stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
