I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He? As in you personified your dick?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
