Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
