He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
