He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
