so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Are my feet made of real feet?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
