Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
