Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
