Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
