I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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