I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize