we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
