Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
