I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
