I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
