I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
