I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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