Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
