I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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