Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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