he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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