I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
