We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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