i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
