Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
