So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
