i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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