So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
