She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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