Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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