So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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