I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Did I show you my penis last night?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
