I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
