I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
