Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize