U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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