I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize