Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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