Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
