omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
