I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
