Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
