I wannas sexs uuuuu
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
