My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
vagina is talking i cant
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
