The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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