I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize