she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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