They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
