Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
