I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
