You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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