Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
