One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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