i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
