dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
