I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
