drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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