if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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