Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize