Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
