i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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