at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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