Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
