mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
