I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
