Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My pussy is not your playground.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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