my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Houston, we have a squirter
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
