wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
